The Beginning

I think I write this because I need to set things straight in my own mind. Maybe I need closure. Maybe I need to help other people? I don’t know.

I just know I need to recreate what happened and how we came together as a family to pull one most precious back to us.

It started with erratic Emails.

My oldest was at West Virginia University on a Presidential Scholarship in the Engineering College. He’d done quite nicely for his Freshman year and was winning award after award! We were very proud of him!

Coming home between Semesters, we didn’t notice anything wrong with him. His girlfriend at the time, which I hated more than life itself, was constant presence.

Ian had wisdom teeth that needed to be removed. We took him on a Saturday to a local oral surgeon and had it taken care of. The dentist prescribed steroids to reduce the swelling and help in the healing. Things were good. Ian healed kindly and after that we prepared him for life in the dorm.

Taking him back to University was difficult on me. I’ve always been close to my children; having one so far away from me was hard.

He went back in September.

Later in the month the weird Emails began.

"Mom, explain it all to Dad."

"I am Ian Christian Nolte. I am NOT Alvin Niss nor am I Dan Alan."

These Emails were completely out of context and completely weird and hard to follow.

I didn’t know what was happening.

I would call Dan from work. "I got another one. Where are you? Can you get to Morgantown?"

Aggravated, he’d go.

Then one day I got a call from the boy.

"Mom, me and Melanie broke up. Here talk to her. Tell her we’re broken up."
Melanie was weeping.

"Mom, she’s been trying to poison me. She put stuff in my water filter."

We got in the car and drove to Morgantown. He wasn’t answering his phone or his emails
.
Walking into the dorm we asked for the phone and called up to his room. He was down the stairs in a few minutes. We piled him into the car and took him to dinner. When he got into the car he said simply, "Just tell me …Grandpa is dead; right?"


"Your grandpa is just fine and you can call him if you want too!"

We went to a restaurant, I don’t remember where, and as we were seated, the power went off. "You see?" Ian said raising his hands….then the power came back on. "…and then they come on again."

I was shaking so hard I couldn’t eat. I kept looking at Dan. Trying to figure out what was going on in his head.

We went to a hotel nearby and checked in. Ian talked non-stop. We wanted to get him help but he kept talking us out of it. "Mom, I’m fine! I’m Fine!!! I am just under a lot of pressure because I have exams next week and I have to meet class!"

He was in the shower the next morning as husband and I talked quietly in the bedroom.

"Do you think it’s safe?"

"No. Call the college and find a place to help him."

I called the local psychiatric hospital and they said that because of his age, Ian would have to volunteer for help.

When he came out of the shower, I broached the subject.

""Mom. Dad. I’m fine. I just need to get back to class. Let me please do that. I have exams. I don’t want to fail. "

We took him back and left him.

We are made of mistakes.